I shouldn't let it get to me, but I am only human after all.
Over the past fortnight I have had 4 people unsubscribe from my email list.
And although I know in my head, I shouldn't let it worry me, it does sting a little bit.
It's my own fault really. I have been so up and down with my blogging as of late, I would probably unsubscribe from my blog too!!
But at the same time, it's a good check point for me on my motivation behind blogging. I started blogging back in 2008 out of obedience to Him. I was struggling with depression and when I creid out to Him to save me from the darkness, He responded by asking me to do 3 things:
1. Write (so I started a blog)
2. Homeschool my boys (Crazy I know, right?)
3. Trust Him with my healing from depresssion (I weaned myself off the anti-depressants and trusted Him.)
And so I did.
Over the years. my blog has evolved and morphed. It has changed and so have I. I discovered I had a gift for writing and have been published in magazines and featured on other blogs. My followers on google friend connect jumped and so did the subscriptions to receive my blog posts via email. When this happened, I started blogging for an audience. My writing became forced and un-natural. I got caught up with the need to please people. I felt that if I didn't give the people what they wanted, they would un-follow, unsubscribe. (And it's true, they do!)
When I first started blogging, I was transparent with my struggles and victories. I was grateful for the few comments I received, at one stage I was not satisfied unless I had many comments. The problem with blogging for an audience though, is the audience is fickle. One day they love you, he next they have moved on-looking for the next best thing. That's the nature of blogging.
I hate that somewhere deep inside me I have the need for approval. I need people to like me. And guess what? Not everyone is going to like me. In January I decided that I would stop writing for an audience, and write from the heart. This was so liberating for me and stopped the writer's block that I was plagued with.
I have been asking Him to show me why I struggle so much with being addicted to social media. When I received an email this morning telling me that I had 2 people that had unsubsribed from my blog email list, I realised that I was addicted to social media because I want people to like me, to validate me. But their validation will never satisfy my soul. Only His validation satisfies my soul.
I will unsubscribe from trying too hard to please people.
I will unsubscribe from posting things to get a like or a comment, or a RT on social media.
I will unsubscribe from looking for comments on my blog.
I will unsubscribe from looking at numbers of followers.
Out of obedience to Him I will write.
You may like what I write or you may not.
But if He can use my writing to touch a person and change a life, then I am happy.
I will write for an audience of One. I will write for my King.
I will subscribe to His Word.
I will subscribe to His grace.
I will subscribe to His mercy.
I will subscribe to His love.
Still taking lessons from the King,