I love Facebook! I love how it connects me with others. I love how it keeps me up to date with those who live far from me. There is a lot of great things about Facebook. I love how my Princess Warrior Lessons Facebook page connects me with those who I have met in Blog Land.
But there is a dark side to using Facebook that I don't like. I hate who I become. I hate how it sucks me in, like a vortex and before I know it, I have wasted an hour that could have been used more productively. I hate how it makes me a lazy friend. Instead of calling someone, sending a text message, sending a personal email or letter, I write in the comments of a status or 'like' their status. I hate how it has control over me.
I hate how Facebook can upset me when friends who haven't been in my life for 10 years, think they have a voice in my life now they are my Facebook friend and debate me on my status - hiding behind their computer screens. But in reality, they are not in my 'real' world and would never speak to me like that if they were in the same room as me. I hate that I feel guilty if I think about 'unfriend'ing a Facebook friend. I hate it when I think before I put a Facebook status up in case I might offend someone in my friend's list.
I hate who I become in the world of FAKEbook. The reality is....it is not a real world, but can certainly feel like one. I have spent time wondering why a friend has 'unfriend'ed me. I spend time pondering about a comment that was left that annoyed me. I hate how I spend a lot of time and energy thinking about Facebook. I hate how I feel like I need Facebook in my life or I will miss out on so much.
Much like coffee had control over me, and I had to quit the java - it is time to break up with Facebook....or at least have a separation for a time. I have decided to deactivate my Facebook account for the entire month of May. I am actually going to take the time to decide whether or not I will activate my Facebook account ever again. (A trusted friend has admin rights to my Princess Warrior Lessons page during May.) Sure I will miss the connections of many beautiful women whom I have had the privilege of meeting on Facebook. But I have to weigh up the costs.
The cost of not being completely there for my Boy Warriors. Often time I can be present, but not really in the moment.
The cost of not enjoying the season I am in with the boys, and having them grow up and me left with regrets that I worried more about Facebook, than grabbing their chubby faces and really listening to them.
The cost of producing quality writing on my blog. I find myself no longer writing from the heart, but writing for an audience. This is why there has been weeks of writers block and no posts.
The cost on the closeness in my relationship with my Father. I find myself reading more on the Facebook website than I do His Word. I have pulled away from my First Love, worrying more about other people's opinions that I do His.
The cost of my husband's frustration in trying to understand why I care so much about Facebook. (He doesn't have a Facebook account.)
I have been questioning whether or not it is a good thing to actually know hour by hour, day by day what people are doing or thinking. Many times I have had a conversation with a friend and have started to tell them what I have been up to, and they say, "Oh I know, I saw that on Facebook." Do we give too much of ourselves to everyone on Faceboook? Being an extrovert I love the attention my Facebook status may get. I check to see if I have received comments of 'like's. But it's not healthy. If I get my self worth by the amount of attention I get, then something is wrong.
I want to go back to a simpler time where I gazed at my husband lovingly thinking of ways I can show him how much I love him. I want to go back to a time when spending quality time with my boys was something I treasured. I want to go back to a time where I connected with others in Blog Land. I want to go back to a time where I took time to call a friend, visit or write an email or letter when I was thinking of them.I want to go back to a time when I walked with Him hour by hour, day by day. I want to go back to a time where I shared what was on my heart on my blog, without the pressure of an audience, but trusting that He would use my gift of writing to bring others closer to Him.
The truth is, I am excited about the dreams I have in my heart for the future. But they are for the future, not now. I have been trying to make those dreams come true myself in my own strength, that belong to a future season. In this season, all He has asked me to do is to share my heart on my blog, love my husband, love and raise my boys through home education and to be part of the vision in my church family. I need to learn to live and be content the season I am in - not long for a future season. This is my time of healing of my mind, soul and body. This is my time of training and preparation for future seasons.
I am stepping back from the information overload that is Facebook and seeing how it fits. I may or may not be back on Facebook. I am looking forward to refocusing and reconnecting with things and people that really matter. I am looking forward to breaking free from the control Facebook seems to have over me. Most of all I am looking forward to reconnecting and focusing on Him. It's time for me to wake up and get back to what really matters......
Still taking lessons from the King,
PS - I will still be on twitter
The Rest of the story:
Unplugging from Social Media (18 May, 2011)
Oh boys....Mummy's home (20 May, 2011)