Over time the rendezvous became more frequent. I couldn't help myself. I had fallen in love. He was a master seducer and promised me the world. He told me he would help me through the day. I believed him. Instead of being once a week, we started meeting more frequently. Soon I invited him to come live with me and our encounters were daily. I convinced myself that he was good for me. I even convinced my husband. But soon it become evident, that this love affair would turn toxic.
Over time I became dependent on my lover. I couldn't go a day without him. Then it was twice a day, sometimes three. If I tried to stop, even for a day, my head would ache, I became tired and I wasn't able to think straight. It was no use, He had control over me. Many times I tried to break up, but he was too strong. He had a hold of me. I was a slave. I was addicted to the highs I got when we were together. I wasn't strong enough to let go.
This love affair went on for 6 years. I tried to break it off several times, but it was no use. I was so addicted that when I tried to say goodbye, I would end up back in his arms. I came to despise him, but I convinced myself I could never live without him. It was a love-hate relationship based on dependency, where he had all the power. His name was coffee.
A few years ago, I cried out to God in a state of darkness and depression and He answered. With His help, I fought depression and overcame this beast that had overtaken my heart. I emerged like a butterfly does from a cocoon and have been learning that I am stronger than I thought I was. When a butterfly comes out of a cocoon it must fight it's way out. It is a battle. Once I was out of my cocoon, I had to learn who I was. I was no longer a caterpillar. I was different. This I knew. But these wings were foreign to me. It was however, who I was always meant to be. I have been learning to use my wings and become all who He has destined me to be.
I have had a long battle with fatigue. I used coffee to get through the day. But guess what? It used me. My twice a day habit of drinking coffee was doing more harm than good. I convinced, myself that coffee was good for me. I told myself that the antioxidants were good for me. I told myself that it made me more alert. And although these things were true, there was also a dark side to coffee. My health was deteriorating. My hormones were out of control and my brain felt like it was constantly covered by fog, except for the brief relief coffee gave me. I hated the idea of being 'owned' by coffee. It dictated my day. I could not go without a coffee morning and afternoon. If we were away from home, we would have to stop for a coffee in order for me to function normally. I was addicted.
This year, God has been enlarging me. Opportunities to write articles and speak to groups of women have emerged. Because of what He has asked me to do on top of homeschooling my 3 boys and being a wife, I found that I needed more energy. This year, 2 cups were not sufficient. My body needed 3 cups to get by. I increased my intake, and noticed that by doing so, my fatigue became worse. I was eating healthy, I run around after 3 boys and was taking supplements recommended by a nutritionist - but I was still tired ALL THE TIME.
I decided to google 'Is coffee healthy' like I had more than a dozen times before over the years. I came across this article and was shocked to read that I had most of the nasty health symptoms that it had described. That was the push I needed. I determined in my heart that it was time to be free of coffee's control.
That was a week ago, and I'm happy to say that I am now starting day 3 of being coffee-free. The weaning process was horrendous. I experienced headaches, irritability and major fatigue. I told myself that it was temporary. Armed with panadol and many litres of water, I pushed through the withdrawal symptoms, where in the past I gave in to them.
The last two days where I have had no coffee in my system have been amazing. I have had more energy than I have had in years. My supplements now have a chance to do their job without coffee inhibiting them. I can think clearer, and I am no longer irritable and cranky. If this is what it is like after just two days, I can't wait until every last bit of the toxin is gone from my body.
I, like most people,were not aware of the hidden dangers of coffee. I loved my indulgence of the beverage, but it came at a great cost. If I am to become the best wife, mother and everything else He calls me to be, than I need my body, mind and spirit to be healthy. And so I ended my love affair with coffee. I won't lie to you - I'm going to miss him. But if it means I can now be all He has destined me to be, than it was indeed worth parting ways.
It's not you.
Still taking lessons from the King,