Monday, 13 December 2010

We'll meet you in Heaven Princess

Our little girl's ornament.

I love Christmas! Love the excitement. Love the parties. Love the anticipation leading up to Christmas Day. And I love decorating our tree. When my husband and I were to celebrate our first Christmas together as husband and wife, I bought a Hallmark ornament to mark the occasion. Ever since, I have purchased a new one every year.

The ornament to mark the first Christmas as husband and wife.
Over the years I have added to the ornament collection - one a year. I like to get them to symbolise something significant that happened that year. I found one the year we became homeowners. All of our boy warrior's first Christmases was marked by a unique ornament of their own. And we also have one the year that my adult nephew lived with us.

The year we became homeowners was marked by a ornament.

I have always been open and honest about my loss of a baby, who I believe to be a girl,  to miscarriage with my boy warriors. They even attended and participated in a reflection service for families who had lost babies earlier this year.

While we were in the car on the way to the shops last week, Leader Boy Warrior said, "Mum it's Lanay's birthday soon. How old would she have been?" My baby's due date was December 25, so Leader Boy Warrior calls this her birthday. I answered, "She would have been 8 my darling." I love that they talk about their sister that they have never met.

While we stood in line at Target waiting to be served, I spotted some Hallmark ornaments on sale and started browsing through them. Courageous Boy Warrior said, "Mum, why don't we get one for Lanay this year? She hasn't got an ornament on the tree." This made my heart smile and I replied, "What a great idea!" And so, we selected the hot pink "Barbie shoe tree" ornament.

On the way home in the car, Courageous Boy Warrior said, "I miss Lanay Mum. I can't wait to meet her when I get to Heaven." I guess it's not only the parents that are affected with a loss of a child to miscarriage, but the baby's siblings also. "I miss her too son.", I told him.

When we got home, I unpacked the ornament and went to put it on the tree, but was stopped by Courageous Boy Warrior who suggested, "How about we put it right up the top near the angel because Lanay is being looked after by angels?" This touched my heart so much. I said, "That's a great idea, but no-one would see it all the way at the top of the tree. How about we put it right in the middle of the tree, so everyone can see it?" He liked that idea. And so my little girl's ornament went in the middle of the tree.

What happened next I will never forget as long as I live. Courageous Boy Warrior took his ornament and placed it right next to Lanay's. Then Leader Boy Warrior did the same, followed by Fearless Boy Warrior. They all told me that they wanted their ornaments to be close to their sister's ornament. Holding back the tears, I said, "that looks perfect boys." All my children's ornaments in one small section of the tree. One who has gone before us, and 3 who are still here with me on this earth.

All my children's ornaments grouped together.

The next day, my sister came to visit with my nieces and nephews. Courageous Boy Warrior excitedly told his cousins about this year's ornament and how it was his sister's. I really love how my boys talk about the baby that we lost. I know that when my boy warriors first started talking to others outside our immediate family, I was slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable. And I guess it was a  little bit too painful, and others don't know how to react.

Leader Boy Warrior used to correct me when people, that we have just met, would ask me how many children I had. I would answer "3 boys", and he would say, "No Mummy, you have 4 children - 3 boys and 1 girl in Heaven." This could make the conversation a bit awkward with someone you have just met. But I have learned that it is part of my family's history and have learned to take it in my stride. I smile and mention that I lost a baby to miscarriage before I had the boys and then quickly change the topic. I am grateful that the boys feel comfortable enough to talk about their sister, as I guess it is a way of dealing with their own grief.

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas my darling daughter Lanay. We all love you and miss you and can't wait to to see you one day in Heaven where we will all be together for eternity. xoxo

Still taking lessons from the King,


  1. Beautiful post. And a wonderful tradition. So YOU somehow, my friend.

  2. That is such a beautiful tradition, and one that will be continued with the boys in their lives I'm sure. You are certainly raising some rather amazing young men there. xx

  3. I have thought about my own baby often, the one that I lost to miscarriage at nearly 4 months. He would have been 29 this spring. I still have a Christmas stocking that was given to me when I was pregnant... I know that someday, I will meet him, too. It's a wonderful thought. But I know that he is well taken care of now, with our heavenly Father. Thank you for sharing the touching post of your daughter's ornament and the tenderness of your sons' hearts. You are blessed, Jo.

    Living for Him, Joan

  4. Jo, the way that you handle your loss is so beautiful. Blessings on you and your family this Christmas. Love Mel xx

  5. wow Jo, this is a beautiful post. Treasured.

  6. Extremely timely as my brother's girlfriend lost their baby today. I also never met my other brother who died before I was born and boy do I miss him. One day I'll meet both of them in heaven. Thank you for the tears.

  7. What sweet boys you have Jo, what lovely hearts they are displaying!
    Luv Donna

  8. The timing of finding your blog today was perfect. Last night we put up out tree with my children's ornaments. I, too, buy an ornament every year. I buy a "family ornament" for each year and My older son and younger daughter each their own. Each ornament carefully selected to reflect that year. I was looking at the family ornament from 5 years ago thinking how it never seems "right"... because its a family picture one minus our youngest child. Our son, Ethan who died prior to birth. And I realized what has always bothered me is he has never had an ornament on our tree. We are fixing that tonight. Thank you and God Bless you!

  9. I'm a bit late to this but this was beautiful esp about your little guys and how they love their sister! I am yet to tell my dd about her siblings in heaven,she has three of them up there! She is an extremely sensitive type and also she knows we've had trouble and believing God for more so I don't feel it's the right time to tell her yet as she would sense the loss much more than your little guys because at least they have each other:)

  10. Thank you for sharing your sweet story. There are so many of us who have lost a child and I think that when you share so openly it will give others the freedom to grieve and share their pain with those they love and the Father because of your example.
    I have five wonderful daughters here on earth and one in heaven. I was blessed with 4 perfect pregnancies and 4 healthy babies. It was such a shock when our fifth pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks. This baby was also a girl. The week before my miscarriage my husband had a dream that I would loose the baby. He did not tell me about the dream but simply prayed for me that God would protect me and care for our little one. He dreamed that the baby was another girl. After she was gone we told the other girls what had happened. They were 7 1/2, 5 1/2, 4 and 2 years old at the time. The day that I lost the baby we were moving to a new home. A few weeks after we moved we planted a tree in memory of our sweet baby, whom we had named Rebecca. The girls helped plant the tree and often talked about Rebecca's tree.
    Two years later we were blessed with another daughter. We always felt that God would give us 5 or 6 children and He did... 5 on earth and one in heaven. My girls are now 25, 23, 22, 20 and 15. Last month I became a grandmother for the first time.... of course it was a girl. God is so good.
    Thank you for sharing your heart so freely. God is honored as you openly share the beautiful creation He has made in you.
    A daughter of the King,


Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my lessons!

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Jo Princess Warrior xo