Tuesday, 28 September 2010

I am dating again

Being a mother of boys is so incredible. I love the way my boys tell me that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I love how they all have at one time, had to be told the heartbreaking news that, they can't marry Mummy because I already have a husband. Courageous Boy Warrior cried for a whole day when I told him this. I do not underestimate the honour I have of being their mother. I tell them often that I am so glad God picked me to be their mummy out of all the mummies in the world.

I also understand that they won't always believe that I am the most beautiful in the world and they won't always want to marry me. As they grow this will change. So in readiness for this, I have already started 'dating' my boys. We call them Mummy/son 'dates'. Each week I take one of the boy warriors out by themselves for an hour. The place will vary, sometimes it will be at a McCafe, sometimes I take them out for ice cream or to the park- but the motive is always the same - to nurture our heart connection.
As a homeschooling mum, I sometimes find myself spending quantity time with my boys, but not quality time. Sometimes in the busyness of life, heart connections can easily be neglected. I want to purposely keep the heart connection strong, so when the days arrive where their world is spinning around them, the heart connection that we have will still be in place. I am preparing for those days during the teenage years now, where they will be starting to try out their wings, before they leave the nest.

Growing up in a family of 6 children, I sometimes felt lost in the busyness of life. My mother and father loved us very much. But I felt that they were always too busy to hear what was on my mind and in my heart. Communication amongst my family members didn't exist. By 'dating' my boy warriors, I hope that they will feel comfortable enough to share their heart with me in years to come. Instead of turning to my peers or the opposite sex as I did, I pray they will know that once every 3 weeks, they will have Mum's undivided attention for an hour.
Sometimes when it is time for me to take one of the boy warriors out on a 'date', and leave the other 2 boy warriors with Daddy, I do not feel like doing it. I am tired and the last thing I feel like doing is going out of the house. But I keep reminding myself that I am sowing seeds in our relationship that will bear fruit in later years. I remind myself that I need to make this a priority, if I want to keep the heart connection alive. So I go, exhausted or not, because it's worth it.

I am already seeing a difference in my relationship with each boy warrior. As I take one hour, once every 3 weeks with each child, I see them light up. They feel special. They look forward to the 'dates'.The other boy warriors that are left behind don't complain, because they know soon they will have their turn at having a 'date' with Mummy. The conversations I have with my sons on these 'dates' are so precious. They share things with me, free from ridicule from their brother or distractions. They have my full attention for a full hour, and the conversations that we have are truly priceless. Things are revealed to me in their hearts that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. Our bond deepens and both parties come home feeling closer.
I am painfully aware that with each day that passes, I am a day closer to my boys growing up, and one day leaving my home. I am also aware that my job is to train my boy warriors to become great husbands one day. My daughter-in-laws will reap what I am sowing now. (You're welcome girls,whoever you are!) Leader Boy Warrior opened every door for me on our first 'date'. I asked him where he had learned that, and he told me that he saw it on a movie! Although I want to encourage my boys to embrace being wild at heart, as God designed them, I do want them to be gentlemen. I want them to know that they need to treat every girl they meet like the princess that they are. My Mummy/son 'date' gives me an opportunity to work on these skills too.

For a small commitment once a week, the fruit that I will see in years to come, will far outweigh the inconvenience. I am nurturing a heart connection with each of my sons, but much more than that, I am teaching that they are worth my time. I am showing the boy warriors that, even though I am busy, their heart issues matter to me. I am teaching them communication skills, that hopefully, they will duplicate with their own wife and children. I am showing them that they are valued and loved.  

34 "Jerusalem, Jerusalem! You kill the prophets and stone to death those who are sent to you. Many times I wanted to gather your people as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you would not let me. (Luke 13:34, New Century Version)
12 This is what the Lord says:  "I will give her peace that will flow to her like a river. The wealth of the nations will come to her like a river overflowing its banksLike babies you will be nursed and held in my arms and bounced on my knees13 I will comfort you  as a mother comforts her child. You will be comforted in Jerusalem."  14 When you see these things, you will be happy,  and you will grow like the grass. The Lord's servants will see his power, but his enemies will see his anger. (Isaiah 66:12-14, New Century Version)
But most importantly, I am showing God's mother heart to my children. The way we parent our children will determine how they relate to God. We see who God is first through the lenses of how we were parented. I want my boy warriors to know that they are loved, valued and have a purpose. I don't want to taint their view of who God is. I want them to know that they can come to me for comfort, just as they can go to God for comfort. I want to show them grace as He has shown me. I want to show them that their heart matters.

Still taking lessons from the King,


  1. Awww...you are such a wonderful mummy! And you know what...??? I love MY dates with you too! xo

  2. I love this, Jo. I was just thinking the other day of going on a date with my son. And I've been thinking a lot lately about how, the relationship we form now will determine the realtionship we have in years to come. I can really relate to this post in a lot of ways. So glad to hear your thoughts -they encourage me.

  3. oh wow! That is so great what you are doing with your sons! Yes indeed you are sowing and you will reap in years to come! I was so encouraged by this post and even though I only have one child who has my undivided attention, you've given me some food for thought about doing this with her. She does it with my dh but not with me (yet). I guess I'd figured I was spending heaps of quality time with her anyway but it would be fun to just go out to hang out and not for any other purpose I reckon! Thanks Jo!

  4. :)That is great Jo what a wonderfull thing to do. I have been trying the same but have not had as much success as you. (mainly due to husbans work hours). You will have such a strong relationship with the boys in the years to come.

  5. This is delightful... I think dating our children is a wonderful thing. You are the woman of influence to those little men... continue on showing them true beauty because it simply radiates from you.

  6. What a beautiful way to strengthen the heart-bond with your boys! The added bonus is that they are learning how awesome God is through how you love them. When my children were the age of yours, I treasured the times we had alone together (I still do!). I remember when the day came when I realized that we had passed the 1/2 way mark with them growing up in our home. A twinge of sadness hit me, but then I reminded myself what my job was...the job that God gave me to do. And that was to raise my children as He would have me raise them and prepare them for their adult days. Today, my "kids" are 23 and 25 and I love them even more today than ever. God's word is so true - children ARE a blessing from God. I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything! Oh, one added blessing that I have received is that every now and then, I see my grown children doing something or recounting something they learned from my husband and me when they were children -- and my heart smiles. You are right...your dates with your boys won't stop when they are grown. There may be times when they struggle for independence (ugh - teens) but, because of the foundation you are laying now, your hearts are bonded...forever.

    Blessings to you, Jo!

  7. Hmmm I am thinking one of your boys can marry my daughter with training like that! Beautiful words and thoughts Jo.

  8. Cool idea- Mommy dates, will keep the kids happy and they will nor feel bad as they will enjoy the same.

  9. Jo, absolutely love it! This shows yet another great aspect of homeschooling, that we can set aside time with our children. The world is so busy and is only getting busier and I just see families getting pulled apart because of school, sport and other committments. My husband and I feel like we are fighting to keep our family together as the world and people try to separate us. Thank you for sharing! xxx

  10. Hey Jo.. Love this post... I miss my kids being little like that.. I can remember at time when I was riding down the road thinking,, I wish I had of had more kids.. at this point 2 out of 3 have grown up and living on their own and my youngest is 14 now.. but i do treasure those special moments with them all.. never stop investing your time into you husband and children.. it is an investment that bring back profit every time...lol
    God bless.. have a great weekend

  11. This is a great idea! I love the way you are giving them such individual attention. I struggle with the time and logistics since I have so many - 4 boys and 6 girls - but I have tried to do some things like this through the years. Sometimes I just have to get them alone at home and spend one-on-one time with them, because of the cost! But talking with them and finding out what is going on in their hearts is a wonderful thing to do. We all need to do more of this.

  12. So beautifully written, Jo. I love your long-term perspective. You have really challenged me to get back to dating my boys again.

  13. That is awesome, Jo! What sweet little boys!

    Have a blessed week!


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Jo Princess Warrior xo