Then he said, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but now I will go and wake him up.” ~John 11:11
I feel like I have been asleep for years and have just been woken up. Everything I thought was the truth has been challenged. What I thought was reality was but a dream. I had been in chains, bound to incorrect doctrine and way of thinking for years - but I was unaware. And then my King came to me and woke me up.
He showed me His heart towards me. He showed me that I don't have to do anything to earn His love. He showed me that I don't have to strive any more - I just have to be me.
He showed me that He is love. He showed me that I am His. He showed me that He loves me despite my mess and I don't have to weigh myself down with self-improvement regimes.
Lately it has been murky as I sort through what is the truth and what was part of the slumber I was in. Things are becoming clearer as I wade through the murky water. I no longer take at face value what people claim to be the truth. Everyone has their own journey and I am learning that as I listen to His Spirit within me, and not other people's experiences and views, clarity comes.
It has been a time of turmoil within as I learn to live in my new nature. But answers are coming. I am learning to discern His voice within me. Sometimes I try to go back to sleep as it is comfortable and familiar.But He keeps me awake- not allowing me to go back to the place that once held me bound.
I am learning to allow myself to feel hurt, but not to let the hurt linger and grow roots within. I am learning to trust in Him. I am learning that it is OK to feel. I am learning to be authentic. I never want to go back to my slumber. I am now awake and seeing things as they should be.
Still taking lessons from the King,