My King is His tenderness has been removing things that have been in me for years, that were never meant to be there, and slowly revealing the real me that He designed and puposed me to be. He had dealt with the root of my depression and is now dealing with another root deep seeded inside of me - rejection.
The earliest memories as a little girl was feelings of rejection by my siblings. In reality, they loved me and didn't reject me. I actually had a very stable childhood with 2 parents who loved me dearly and brothers and sisters who cared for me. But in my tiny heart, I felt rejected by them. I would burst into tears daily and was called 'a sook' because of it. All I wanted was to feel accepted and loved, and even by my brothers and sisters who loved and accepted me, I felt rejected. Where did this lie deep in my heart come from?
That small lie grew larger as I attended school. I would suffer real rejection by girls who were playing the 'I need to be popular to feel validated game'. One day I would be friends with them, but by lunch time that could all change. Small girls are very flippant in their friendship choices in primary school. I went to school each day wondering whether I would be accepted today and feared I would be rejected again. And the lie screamed at me "See! Nobody really loves you. Your brothers and sisters hate you and nobody likes you at school". I became envious of best friends and never experienced what it was like to have a best frind growing up. On top of that, our family moved every 5 years, which meant a new group of people to reject me at each new school.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.