Thursday, 8 April 2010

He set me free from rejection

My King is His tenderness has been removing things that have been in me for years, that were never meant to be there, and slowly revealing the real me that He designed and puposed me to be. He had dealt with the root of my depression and is now dealing with another root deep seeded inside of me - rejection.

The earliest memories as a little girl was feelings of rejection by my siblings. In reality, they loved me and didn't reject me. I actually had a very stable childhood with 2  parents who loved me dearly and brothers and sisters who cared for me. But in my tiny heart, I felt rejected by them. I would burst into tears daily and was called 'a sook' because of it. All I wanted was to feel accepted and loved, and even by my brothers and sisters who loved and accepted me, I felt rejected. Where did this lie deep in my heart come from?

That small lie grew larger as I attended school. I would suffer real rejection by girls who were playing the 'I need to be popular to feel validated game'. One day I would be friends with them, but by lunch time that could all change. Small girls are very flippant in their friendship choices in primary school. I went to school each day wondering whether I would be accepted today and feared I would be rejected again. And the lie screamed at me "See! Nobody really loves you. Your brothers and sisters hate you and nobody likes you at school". I became envious of best friends and never experienced what it was like to have a best frind growing up. On top of that, our family moved every 5 years, which meant a new group of people to reject me at each new school.

Beacuse the seed had now grown into something ugly inside of me, strangling my heart, I found myself being the girl that would do anything for friendship. So desperate was I to be accepted. To have someone love me. I also found that I had a smart wit and could make people laugh, so I used this to gain approval.

My family moved over to Papua New Guinea for the last 2 years of primary school. When it was time to start High School, I was sent back to Australia to boarding school. I tell people I left home when I was 12 years old, because in reality, that was the truth. I spent more time at boarding school than in my own home. Imagine hundreds of teenage girls living together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 4 years, and you could imagine what that did to my already twisted heart. Rejection was amplified and multiplied, and  something I had to live with daily. It was such a lonely time for me.

On top of being rejected daily by multitudes of teenage girls, I felt rejected by my parents. I would write them letters telling them how lonely I was and how much I wanted to come home. These letters were met with silence. They never discussed any of the letters with me, and term after term, I was sent back to boarding school. As an adult, I learned that parents do things as they have our best interests at heart. I now understand, being a parent myself that it was too painful for my parents to address the issue and they thought it best to just say nothing. I understand that what my parents did was out of love. But in my teenage heart, I took their silence as rejection. It was the exact fertiliser my lie needed to grow into something that would take over my heart, effecting every realtionship I would have from then on.

When I was 19 years of age, I heard the good news that Jesus had died to take away our sins and that our sins seperate us from our God who loves us. I also heard that if you believe that Jesus died for my sins and I confessed it with my mouth, than my spirit would be reconnected with God (or born-again). My tortured heart had at last found someone that would never reject me - Jesus! That was just the beginning of my journey with my King. It wasn't until now though, 17 years after I was born-again, that I would deal with my seed of rejection.

Everytime I walked into a room full of women, the seed of rejection, the lie screamed at me, "They will reject you. No-one in the whole room likes you. They all hate you." Now, I am a confident woman in a crowd, so when I started attending women's conferences or women's meetings, I was so suprised at my reaction. I would burst into tears and have to find refuge in a toilet cubicle to compose myself. There I would be perplexed at the depths of my sorrow. "Where is this coming from?", I'd ask myself.

Jesus tells us that God's Enemy (and the Enemy of man), Satan (or in this scripture, The thief) has one mission and Jesus has the opposite:
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
The Enemy had planted a seed a such a tender young innocent age that had grown around my heart warping my perception. Jesus on the other hand has come to give me life, that I may have it to the full. I cannot have a full life if I am living with as heart full of a lie - rejection. The truth is, God knows what I am going through. Just read the OT scriptures and see that time and time again, humanity rejected God. But despite this, He still loves us unconditionally. Jesus came to live among His creation and was rejected, and continues to be rejected. And yet He still continues to love us.

The rejection that I experienced was a plan to steal, kill and destroy the plans that He has for my life from the Enemy. Now that I am aware of it, and where the lie came from, all I have to do is look to Him. He came to set the captives free, and He has set my heart free from the lie of rejection. How? The more I draw near to Him, the more I read about Him in His Word, the more I understand the depths of His love for me, the more I listen to the Holy Spirit and not the lies within, I am set free.

set free Pictures, Images and Photos
Speaking of His Son, God said through the prophet Isaiah 42:6-7:
I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
In releasing me from the lie of rejection that kept me in my own personal dungeon of darkness, I am now free to live life to the full.

Still taking lessons from the King,




19 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you shared this. I can identify in many ways..

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  2. Hmmmmm... I think there are some things here I really need to take before my Father and meditate on. Thanks my sister. :)

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  3. Hey lovely friend - As I read your posting, I was just so shocked how much we share, how much we have in common. I think we might not know it, but many of us did suffer lots of rejection. For me that rejection was always so evident, and then I felt not worthy, not good enough. This small seed of rejection grew bigger and bigger into my adult life. Now thank God for His grace am free and healing and becoming better everyday. I am not a rejection am a valuable asset to my Father. Love you

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  4. Awesome post Jo! I can relate to the fear of rejection, as I have spent the last 30 years of my life dealing with it. I am overcoming it now - moreso than I ever imagined - and it is a good feeling! Love you. xo

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  5. I have been perusing your blog, and I absolutely love how transparent you are. Thank you for sharing your hear and your struggles, while still continuing to keep your focus on the Lord.

    Your blog was so refreshing for me to read!

    Jackie

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  6. Jo, what a wonderful post! We all have different areas that Satan can lie to us and we believe them!! Each lie is specific for each of us and Satan knows how to make us believe them. What a powerful story you have to share with others though. I have to fight the lies of Satan everyday -- soemtimes many times throughout the day. But thank God we have Jesus!! Oh, how I loved this post! So very encouraging!! God bless yoU!

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  7. Thanks for being so transparent. I am so gald He Set You Free. This testimony post will help others find their path to freedom.

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  8. Praise God! THank you for sharing this. Powerful.

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  9. I'm still walking a healing journey with God in areas of rejection, especially where my parents are concerned and also Jaden's father. I'm glad that you are finding freedom in God's truth and walking lighter!! I always love reading your posts, thank you for sharing your journey with us :-)

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  10. Thanks for sharing such inspiring words!
    I can relate to you so much on this..
    Our King is so good & so loving!!

    <3 to yoU Princess Warrior!!

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  11. I love the that I have been with you on this journey! Isn't it exciting how far God has brought us! I love you my sister and teacher xx

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  12. Rejection is a huge one for a lot of us... God is in the process of pulling that root out of me too. It is a large root that has sprouted life symptoms, that I've been dealing with. Even though it's painful, I'm glad Jesus is dealing with the BIG roots.

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  13. Great post Jo. As I was reading I could relate to so much of what you went thru. I then wondered how many other women have believed this lie of rejection.
    Live free. Freedom is great.
    xx

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  14. Thanks for sharing! I ask God to show me areas in my children's lives that need prayer due to their perceiving things differently than they were intended!

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  15. AMEN!!!!! Our Lord is so gracious in what he does for us :-)

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  16. Hope you don't mind but I used your testimony in an entry of mine, but I directed it to your blog! It's just such a good testimony of freedom!

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  17. It's amazing to me how God takes you through each thing in His own timing. I have been walking through addiction and depression. As a baby in Christ I realize I have a whole lot of learning to do. I'm learning daily to live in His grace. But rejection oh rejection how it haunts me so..
    A new princess warrior~

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  18. Jo...what a great post. I can so relate to this. I wasn't rejected by my family but satan did place a lie in my heart when I was 9. If he can kids to believe him the chances of them becoming a Christian are much smaller. I am glad I was going back through your posts and found this one.

    Blessings in Christ
    Chelle

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my lessons!

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Love,
Jo Princess Warrior xo