I am at the end of a really hard week. I sent Leader Boy Warrior to school, thinking that I had heard from God on the matter. My heart was in the right place. I wanted to do the will of God. But how I came to make the decision was not full of wisdom.
They say the best way to learn is to make your own mistakes. Well, I'm big enough to admit it - I've made a mistake. In my zeal to hear from God and do the best for my family, I unknowlingly (believing that it was confirmation from God) left a major family decison up to chance.
You see, I took on the incredibly huge burden of making a decison whether to continue homeschooling or send Leader Boy Warrior to school this year. The truth is, it wasn't mine to make alone and was too significant decison for one parent to make. I had thought that I sensed God prompting me to send Leader Boy Warrior to school, and I looked for confirmation of my decison. Now, I have learned in the past to let peace reign in your heart when making a decison. I subscribe to the view, 'When in doubt - don't.' The problem is, this time I didn't stick to the rule.
The truth is, I thought that I was doing the right thing. You can read about how I came to the descion here. Really, my final decison was reduced to nothing more than a tossing of a coin - heads, I homeschool, tails, I send him to school. In my desire to hear from God and in all the confusion, instead of letting the peace of God reign, I looked for signs. When all I had to do was ask myself "Is my spirit filled with peace by this decison?"
Philippians 4:7 (New Century Version)
And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
After a horrific week of sleepless nights, crying myself to sleep and multiple times of bursting into tears throughout the day, I realised that I had no peace about the decison. Being the start of a school year, our Pastor this morning asked all the children to come up the front and the children's workers so we could all pray for them. Emotion got the better of me and I was sobbing so uncontrolably that I had to walk out of church. With all the movement of kids moving up the front, this was easy to do unoticed.
Once outside, I opened my bible to psalms to look for comfort. One woman noticed me and came to see if I was OK. After explaining to her what I was feeling, she offered me Godly wisdom, suggesting that this is a decison to be made by both parents. After church, I rang a friend who offered me the same counsel, and suggested that I sit down with Mighty Prince Warrior to make the decison.
So that is what I did. We sat down with a paper and pen and wrote down our goals as parents for our children. And then we wrote down advantages and disadvantages for us as a family for both homeschooling and schooling. When it was down in black and white, it became apparent to us that the scales weighed heavily towards homeschooling. We both learned a valuable lesson in our parenting and in our marriage. We need to be on the same page going in the same direction. And, although I am in the pratical sense taking care of the children the majority of the time, major decisons like this have to made by both of us. I apologised for making such an unwise decision for our family and Mighty Prince Warrior apologised for allowing me to. We agreed to always work together in the future on decison making when it comes to our family. Peace came.
So now I have the task of informing the school that we no longer want Leader Boy Warrior enrolled, after attending the school for only 3 days. One which I am not looking forward to, but I guess when you make mistakes there are consequences. (Not to mention the financial consequence of the expense of uniforms that we have paid for.) I have learned the hard way, but I emerge from the whole experience a little wiser. God has given us His peace as a guide in our decison making. And as born-again believers, we also have the heart and mind of Christ. (Philippians 4:7 )
Still taking lessons from the King,