As I write this, tears are falling down my cheeks. I spent 15 minutes this afternoon consoling my crying 6 year old son. He was crying because he missed me and didn't want to go to school. I kept it together as much as I could, but tears still managed to fall as my son told me that he didn't want to go to school anymore, but be homeschooled again. I told him that the best idea would be to continue going to school until the end of the term and then we'll see how he felt. I said it is hard when everything is new, but it will get easier with time. He seemed happy with that and he went off to find out what his little brothers were doing.
I went into Mighty Prince Warrior's office and it was now me that needed consoling for 15 minutes. Through heart wrenchng sobs, I shared with my husband how I couldn't send Leader Boy Warrior back to school because it feels like a part of my heart was ripped out. I went on to tell him that his teacher won't care about him and that he'll only be a number. My next argument was that 5 hours of sitting in a classroom was not ideal for children and down right cruel and that our son would be much happier at home here with his brothers. Through snot (it wasn't pretty) and tears I shared that I don't want to have a few rushed minutes in the morning and a short time before I prepare dinner, bath, books and then bed in the evenings with Leader Boy Warrior. I said, "It's not fair that someone else gets more time with my son than I do." I asked him if we can reassess the situation after the first term and he agreed that it was a good idea.
I had no idea it would be this hard and am so raw emotionally at the moment. The emotions that I have felt and the intensity of them over the last 2 days have taken me by suprise. I don't know if I'll still feel the same at the end of the term. But I'm hoping that it will get easier with time. Perhaps it is only for a season that Leader Boy Warrior is away from me and I will homeschool him again. Or perhaps he will continue at school, I really don't know. All I know is, God is soverign in all things.
Still taking lessons from the King,