Thursday, 30 July 2009

Think about such things

I have a melancholy side to my personality that I despise. For a long time now, I have struggled in the area of negative thoughts. My mind gets carried away, I worry too much and pretty soon I become overwhelmed with, well everything really and just want to quit. It all gets too hard, so I want to run away.

The compulsion to run away is another bad habit. I have been a runner for as long as I can remember. When I was single, that wasn't a problem. I have moved more times than I can care to remember houses and jobs. If it got to hard, I'd just quit and move on.

I am now in a situation where I can't run, and my instincts are doing backflips to try to get me to run - but I can't. I have made a commitment, no, a covenant to Mighty Prince Warrior to be his wife until we die. And, although divorce is common place these days, it is not an option for us. We have made a covenant with each other and with God to stay together, and work as a team whatever what life throws at us.

I am also a mother of 4 children. One I will meet one day in Heaven, and 3 that are here with me now on this earth. Now with motherhood, there is no changing jobs. They are with you for 18 years or so and as I understand it, even though they move out, are always in your heart and thoughts. There is no running from it. I am committed to bringing up the boys the best I can. After all, you only get one shot at it!

My marriage and my children have grated against my very nature to run away and move on. This is not even an option now. And my old coping mechanism of quitting doesn't apply here. So, what can I do? I need to find another coping mechansim.

In my marriage and in my parenting I have read numerous books, searched through blogs, listend to sermons and grilled friends and family for advice. Which at times has often left me confused, bewildered, condemned and even more of a failure than I when I began my journey!

So, when the King asked me to homeschool my 3 boys, I came to a place where I had to rely on Him and Him alone. I began seeking Him in His Word. And by reading His Word without anything in the margins like a devotional to distract me, and just listening to His whisper. I began to learn how to be a wife, how to be a mother and how to home school my Boy Warriors.

When I medidate on my own negative thoughts and the world seems like it's crashing around me, it's because I've taken my eyes off Him and started to search again for answers from others who, like me, are not perfect and are on their own individual journeys. Jesus, however is the same yesterday, today and forever and is perfect. He is the only One that can guide me. He has given me His Word and through it, I am seeing a Father who loves me so much that He had a rescue plan for me before I was born. As I read His Word I see a His only Son who became my Saviour by becoming fles, living amongst us, and died for my sins. As I read His Word I see letters of love written just for me. As I read His Word, I see that all the answers I will ever need are in Christ.

So I need to think about these things and when I do, the storm around me ceases and I am no longer overwhelmed, becasue I know I have His Spirit living in me, guiding me, counselling me, loving me, walking with me day by day.

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

This will be my new coping mechanism. And, yes, new habits are hard to form! But I know that I can't quit. Instead, will think about such things.

Still taking lessons from the King,

5 comments:

  1. Oh Jo, I am SO very glad that this verse has helped you! And you are not alone in your feelings of wanting to quit and run. I struggle with this also, even with only just one child. God brought you and I together for a reason, and this only cements it! Love you! <3

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  2. That is great Jo, I am also at that stage we to often turn to others for advise or read books but over look the one who has all the answers for us. I also have been on this journey and have made a pact that I would not read any self help, parenting, advise giving book for 6 mths and just read the word.
    There is a place for these books but we need to get back to the bible and see what it said about being a Mother and a Wife. God has a plan of each of our lives and each family is different but his word works for all individuals and families. Glad to see you have stoped running, some days (like today) I felt like running also :) we all have thoes times in our lives. Love you and will chat soon.

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  3. Awesome, can't think of any others words to describe how you changed my thinking by reading this. Keep sharing. Love Anne

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  4. Sweet one, know that God has you wrapped in HIs love. May you be absolutely drenched today.

    Hugs from Costa Rica,
    Sarah Dawn

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  5. I am crying/laughing right now at how God must have had us in side-by-side molds - I know we are unique but, boy, I could have written this! Change has always been quite comfortable for me - but the sort of change I'm accustomed to just does not meld well with marriage and children. I am blessed in that God protects me from tempting thoughts - I am IN THIS for the long haul and have no thoughts otherwise... but, boy oh boy does the digging in promote some chipping away at my rough edges that I always managed to dodge away from before!

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my lessons!

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Love,
Jo Princess Warrior xo