It was interesting while I was in the throes of my depressed state, how much the enemy messed with my mind. Doesn't he just like to kick you when you're down? The lies that were going through my thoughts - "See, God didn't really heal you from your depression. You're right back where you started and you'll never get out. You'll have to live with your depression the rest of your life!" and on on and the lies went. God had spoken to me the week before about using my sword and I wrote scriptures out, shouted them out, anything I could to claw my way out of the pit. And you know what, the Word got me out of the pit.
My sister rang me yesterday after reading my last blog entry to see if I was alright. She encouraged me and reminded me to keep using the sword and told me of the revelation she had about sowing in tears and reaping in joy. Here's what the NCV translation says in Psalm 126:5-6:
Those who cry as they plant crops will sing at harvest time. Those who cry as they carry out the seeds will return singing and carrying bundles of grain.
Wow! So all this crying is not fruitless? In fact, it is fruitful. I know that the tears I have sown while overcoming my post natal depression will impact my children and my grandchildren. The fruit that I will see, is my descendants free from depression and the chain broken in my family. I can't wait for that harvest. I believe the fight that I am going through is for generations to come. Depression stops with me. It goes no further.
I also believe that when I overcome my hormone imbalance, that I will be able to hold the hands of other women who suffer with the same problem. After all, how will they know how to overcome it without someone who has been through it themselves? That will be the bundles of grain that I will harvest.
This Princess Warrior was down, but not out. I am rising, lifting my head to the Lord for help and waiting on Him. Psalm 27:13-14 says:
I truly believe I will live to see the Lord's goodness. Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help.
Still taking lessons from the King,