Sunday, 12 October 2008

A not so nice Princess Warior

So I have had a day today. I have felt overwhelmed, not coping, irritable and out of control emotionally. I feel defeated and flat. (All symptoms of my depression).I have been yelling and freaking out at my boy warriors and the Mighty Prince Warrior over insignificant things. I am disintersted in everything and just not very Princess Warrior-like! I haven't experienced these symptoms for a long time as the medication kept them at bay.

I know that it a result of coming off my anti- depressants. I am depleted physically and know that my body has been through a lot in the last week. I was a mess at church today during worship. People were probably assuming that I was being touched by the Lord, and I was. But I was more so crying out of sheer exhaustion and crying in the arms of a wonderful Father who knows what I am going through.

Sometimes today I just want to hide away from everyone...which is difficult when you have 3 little boy warriors that rely on you. I know it won't always be like this because my God has promised to take me to a new land. But it's hard. I feel like the monkey is digging his claws in. Trying to cause me to doubt that I have heard from God to trust him for my healng. Thankfully I am blessed with an amazing Mighty Prince Warrior who is forgiving, gracious and understanding of the symptoms of depression. But I tell you depression - your day as are numbered as God is taking me to a new land - one that is depression-free.

This is what the Lord says:
"In the time of my favour I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives,'Come out', and to those in darkness, 'Be free!' They will feed beside the roads and find pasture on every barren hill.

They will never hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water. I will turn all my mountains into roads, and my highways will be raised up." Isaiah 49:8-11

As a Princess Warrior, I know that I must pick myself up and use my weapon - my sword (the Word of God) and that is exactly what I am doing. Even though sometimes I feel too weak to pick my sword up, I know that He is strong when I am weak!

Still taking lessons from the King,

3 comments:

  1. Hi Jo...I just checked my 'following' list and found your post from Saturday. I must have missed it before I posted on FB today, so sorry for that. I'm glad that you had a great day at the homeschooling day, and I hope that you're not too tired this evening. The enemy will try any way he can to get at us, especially we women who suffer from depression on any level. I can relate to everything you wrote above, as I go through it and feel like the worst mother and person in the world. It is so wonderful to know that God will still be there for us no matter what, and He will help us to make right what we feel we have done wrong. Thinking of you, Paula :-)

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  2. Ok, so I maybe am missing out on a lot and am far away. I have been on depression meds for about 3 years myself. Why are you getting off of them? Please know that I am not condemning you for doing that in any way, just wondering what led you to your decision.

    I am praying for you that the God of healing and mercy will comfort you today!!

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  3. It's ok Desiree. I'm not some crazy woman going off on a tangent! I came to this decision of going off my anti-depressnats over a few months.

    I have been on anti-depressnats for 3 years. And what a Godsend they were! But God has been showing me that the illnessis is actually a generational illness in my family (just like asthma).

    I had come to the point where I was wanting to deal with a lot of health issues in my lfe (you'll need to read my back posts labelled health)and was seeking God's direction in each area of health. I'm stepping out in faith, but only because I know that is what God has asked me to do. I would not recommend this without hearing from Him about it. ;)

    The above blog is a just an account of one aspect of my healing! A really bad day. I have come off the drugs gradually with medical supervision.

    Thank you for praying for me and please continue to do so! xo

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my lessons!

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Love,
Jo Princess Warrior xo